Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas!
Hoping we can all remember the true meaning of this special holiday.
We all get so caught up in the presents and the hustle and bustle
that we forget why we celebrate.
We forget that we're celebrating the birth of our Savior.
The presents represent the gifts that He has given to us.
We should let our gifts to others represent the same thing.
We should give gifts of unconditional love, forgiveness, faith, acts of service, kindness, charity, love to one another, patience, etc.
Remember those that are less fortunate than ourselves.
Remember all the good things that have come our way.
Take time to thank the One who has made all this possible.
Take time to remember our loved ones, friends, & neighbors.
May we keep the spirit of Christmas in our hearts as we try to be more like the Savior, forgiving others as He forgives us, serving others with a glad heart, and finding joy in serving Him.

In his contemplation of the Christmas season, James Wallingford penned these lines:
Christmas is not a day or a season, but a condition of heart and mind.If we love our neighbors as ourselves;if in our riches we are poor in spirit and in our poverty we are rich in grace;if our charity vaunteth not itself, but suffereth long and is kind;if when our brother asks for a loaf, we give ourselves instead; if each day dawns in opportunity and sets in achievement, however small—then every day is Christ's day and Christmas is always near.[In Charles L. Wallis, ed., Words of Life (1966), 33]

So here I am awake and another sleepless night. I have been having way too many of these lately. I just have too much going on in my head and I can't lay down and listen to it all. I can't share with ANYONE all that is going on right now. I don't know if I can even comprehend myself all that is going on. I feel so overwhelmed with emotions that I can't even begin to let them show. I think if I let myself feel them I will lose control and not be able to get it together. I feel such an emptiness, such a huge hole in my heart and in the pit of my stomach. I don't think anyone can understand unless they have experienced such a loss. I know I didn't understand what my friends or family were going through during their loss. Even when I was feeling the loss too, my loss still wasn't the same as theirs. I can't imagine, still, the pain that others experience from other losses like that of losing a child or losing a spouse. I know as great as my loss is of losing my mother, I still can't imagine the pain my father is going through losing his wife of 47 years and his very best friend. My heart aches for him because of the loneliness he must feel. I know how lost I feel without Mom and I know he is lost even more. Everyone says it will get better with time but that emptiness will never go away. Nothing can fill that hole that is left in my heart. Time can't make that go away, time can only make us move on because time gives us no other choice. Sometimes I only want to remember what a wonderful mother and friend she was to me and other times I can only remember the things I feel bad about doing that let my mother down. Everyday I am at a different point of where I am with my feelings. Sometimes I am at several different points throughout the day. Sometimes I feel guilty, sometimes I feel lonely, sometimes I feel sad, sometimes I am filled with wonderful memories, sometimes I am proud, sometimes I am angry, sometimes I am too busy to know what I'm feeling, sometimes I am happy, sometimes I feel scared, sometimes I feel lost, sometimes I am just numb. I guess right now it's obvious I'm just feeling very confused.

I have so much to be thankful for.

I have a wonderful, loving husband, Mel, who has loved me unconditionally for over 25 years. He has been with me through good times & bad, poor & poorer, sickness & health, and will share eternity with me. How much more thankful could I be than that?

I have four sons, Chad, Kyle, Joe, & Bret, who I am thankful for also. They also love me unconditionally. They have given me good times & bad, made me poor & poorer, and have made me sick & healthy. For those things I am thankful because they have made my life what it is today...full of love, laughter, & tears. How much more thankful could I be than that?

I have a beautiful granddaughter, Chloe, who I am so thankful for. She is my joy! She is full of unconditional love for her Nana. She is what brings a smile to my face everyday! She fills my heart with love & gratitude. How much more thankful could I be than that?

I have parents that I am eternally thankful for. They too have always loved me unconditionally. They have taught me that family is what is most important in life. They taught me that what we learn in this life is all we take with us out of this life. No material things go with us when we leave this world. Only the knowledge we gain and the love of our family is what we leave here with. I am so thankful that I know that families can be together forever. I am thankful that my mother has been such a wonderful example to me of how we should live our lives. I'm thankful she has made me want to be a better person. I'm thankful that I will be with her again someday. I'm thankful for a father who is so strong and who has always loved my mother and his family with his whole heart. My Dad is my strength and my rock that I lean on to help me stay strong. How much more thankful could I be than that?

I have a sister, Jeannie & brother, CJ, who I am so thankful for. We have a connection to each other that no one else can share. We share the love our parents have given us and our love we have for them. I am thankful for the bond we will always have and the unconditional love we have for one another. I'm thankful for their spouses, sons, grandchildren, etc. who have added so much to our family. How much more thankful could I be than that?

I have wonderful friends who are like family, that I am thankful for more than they know. Keyera, Hanna, Nancy F., Lauren, Kelsey, Nancy C., Jill, Lona, Talyse & more. They all are so special to me. They have also been with me through good times & bad. I feel their love as they support me through trials that are more than I can bear alone. They all have been such a strength to me throughout this past month. Losing my mother is the hardest thing I have had to go through and I don't know how I'd do it without the love of my friends & family. How much more thankful could I be than that?

I have extended family that I am also very thankful for. Mels' parents, Mel & Judy and sister, Teresa have also loved me unconditionally. I didn't always know that, but I do now. I am very thankful for that. They have been with me through good times & bad also. I'm thankful for the example they have been to me and for the wonderful memories we share. I'm thankful for the unconditional love they have always given my children. I'm thankful for my nieces, Lyndsey & Whitney. They are such an inspiration to me. They have overcome so many trials with such strength. They give me hope and make me so proud. How much more thankful could I be than that?

I have so many more people in my life that I have to be thankful for. There are so many more family members & friends that have been such a great influence on my life. I am thankful for the people that have shared in the good times & bad. I am thankful that I can look at my life and know that I have been so blessed. I'm thankful for a Heavenly Father who loves me unconditionally and who teaches me to love others the same. How much more thankful could I be than that?